Ear, Nose, and Throat Endeavors

Hello friends. As some of you may know, I went under the knife on Friday morning. And for those who didn't, well now you do. My feet are numb as I type this. Presumably from the Roxicet. It's fabulous. 

 

So anyway, on Friday I had my tonsils removed, aka, a tonsillectomy. Had my nasal septum straightened, aka, a septoplasty. And got my turbinates reduced, aka, a turbinoplasty. So right now, I have a lot of ouch. I'm pretty much letting the saliva pool in my mouth because that is how badly I do NOT want to swallow anything right now. I am making improvements, however. I ate cereal today which tasted so good. Other than that, it's pretty mundane and repetitive. Take pain meds, drink water/gatorade, sleep, take antibiotics, pick the scabs out of my nose, make my nose bleed, take more meds, sleep more, eat something, drunkenly post a new blog post. You get the idea. 

 

The only reason I'm really typing this is to get my mind off the pain. I will probably read back on this and be embarrassed or mortified. Which would be a great success. But I had 3 surgeries mashed into 1, I think I can type whatever the hell I want to type! I can say this though, my nose doesn't even hurt the slightest bit, which worried me more than my throat. As for my throat, I loathe it at the moment. I feel like I've been in a coma the past few days. It's Sunday...and I had surgery on Friday.. I don't remember Friday or Saturday...like, at all. Which in the grand scheme of things I guess is pretty good. But I also think that's why everyone who has had their tonsils removed are like, "Oh, third day's the worst!" ...well, yeah ya big goof, cause you don't remember shit before then! That's all I have for now friends. I also hope you enjoy the picture of healing tonsils I posted.

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For Your Own Good

This is going to be short and sweet. Do you ever find yourself being another persons therapist? I bet you have and I bet you it has happened on multiple occasions. I don't use the word 'therapist' in this context as a bad thing. I mean it as simply as listening to others and offering up your insight and suggestions. I read an article today along the lines of having alone time and doing some self searching per se. It's healthy every once in awhile, just like taking the stairs or drinking your eight glasses of water a day. You get the idea.

It's good to be there for your loved ones. You might even learn some ways to cope with your own issues at the same time. Furthermore, I believe it's good to take a day to yourself, think about your own life for a second, and make a game plan of your own. Even if you don't have any worries at the moment, just relax, cherish the awesome things happening in your life, and have a day with the most important person in your life; yourself.

K

Time & Space

I've been dating my boyfriend for three years now. We met the summer after we graduated high school. He had plans on going away to college and I was undecided on a major so I was going to be taking a year off. We hit it off really well and tossed the idea of becoming an item back and forth. By that time, we knew each other pretty well. He had reservations about it because he was going to be three hours away from me. I asked him if distance would make him feel any different about me, and he said no. So I pushed to give it a shot. And here we are.

The past three years weren't all easy and fun. We see each other on random weekends, the usual holiday breaks, and of course summers. Having a long distance relationship can be very trying on a person sometimes. We had to learn how to communicate extremely well. As well as be trusting of each other. The hardest part was trying to give adequate space even from a distance. At the beginning we were glued to texting and calling. It became so familiar that when I started school it was a hard transition. He had classes during the day, I was starting my classes when he was getting home. On top of that I was working almost full time. It seemed like a crucial crossroads of our relationship. Our favorite thing is Skyping while watching the same show. Or something else that's cheesy like that.

I never wanted to be a "clingy" girlfriend, I've witnessed that and it wasn't how I wanted to do things. After having a revelation about the whole idea, I knew what I had to do. We'd figure out each others' schedules at the beginning of the week so we knew when we could and couldn't talk very much. It actually worked out really well. The other thing was getting over the fact that he was going to go out with his friends, maybe go to some parties, drink a little bit, the normal college life. I wasn't going to be the person who held him back from experiencing college for all that it was. I want him to succeed in school and I also want him to enjoy himself. I'm envious of his college experience. I don't regret my school decision at all, but I do regret not doing it at a big university.

My point to this is, if you like someone a lot and want to date them or are dating them, but you're going to be far apart, give it a shot anyway. It's scary and sad sometimes but I think it's one of the most rewarding things that I have experienced in my life. I'm more grateful for our time spent together, I cherish him more, I'm a stronger person, and I've learned a few ways to love someone differently. If you can test your 'intimate' relationship and make it successful through time and distance, there's no doubt you can do anything.

 

K

Even If They Aren't Sorry

Has someone ever made you incredibly mad? Think about the time you've been the maddest you've ever been in your life. How did you feel at that moment and the time after, whether it was a couple minutes, hours, or maybe even days. Didn't it suck? I found myself in a situation like this yesterday. I was stuck with said person for 6 hours. I couldn't say anything back because I feared my words would be hurtful. Couldn't leave because I had an obligation. Why didn't I say anything back when they used words that cut right through me? Like I said in my first post 'What Life Has Taught Me', people will always do and say stupid things. This particular person was someone I work with. Now, I've had a job since I was 15. My mom told me before I started that job that there will always be someone who is difficult to work with. And man, was she right. For 6 years, just a fraction of the time I'll be working in my life, I have worked with every side of difficult. But it wasn't until yesterday that I felt truly belittled and hurt. I don't get upset easily, and I'd like to think I have some pretty thick skin. But, the more I thought about it, the more angry I got, and the more angry I got the more exhausted I got. I decided that I was going to forgive them, even if they weren't sorry. A couple reasons for that. Number one: I don't have any extra space in my head for worries - there's already too much I have to remember. Number two: I'm only walking through this life once, I'm going to make sure my relationships with people, no matter who they might be or what they may have done to me, be relationships that I don't regret. 

Ruminating on something gets you nowhere. Whether that something is how you were treated, something you forgot to do, or maybe that you have to clean your room later. There are a couple sayings related to this that I like.

"Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere."

"Holding a grudge is letting someone live rent free in your head."

It took me a good 24 hours to get over how this person made me feel. To be frank, I'm pissed at myself. I could have gotten so much more done during the day than sitting and letting this fester in my head. So here's to not holding grudges and to letting your worries go. Half the things we worry about don't ever happen anyway, right? Tomorrow is a new day.

 

K

What Life Has Taught Me

 I've always wanted to put my thoughts down somewhere without the cramps of writing. So I thought blogging would be the perfect opportunity for me. I have had a lot of heart to hearts with people over the years, and I was just thinking, when was the last time I had a heart to heart with myself? I don't know if I ever have. So I started this heart to heart, and the more I thought the more I got down on myself. Which was not the point of the personal conversation. So then I got to thinking about what I've learned about life and myself during my 21 years on earth. I don't write to you for your pity or for attention. I don't think that my life has ever been what you call typical, some aspects, yes, others, no. But at the same time, I know I share my difference with many people. 

I grew up in what I would call a middle class family. With 1 brother and 1 sister, a few pets, my parents. At one point it was absolutely picture perfect. My brother was born with a cleft lip and palate, even into his teens he struggled with this. I heard mean comments and I knew that he did as well. But he was perfect to me. Still is. This is where one of the first things I've learned comes in. People will always say dumb things, there will always be mean people. I've always looked past peoples' flaws, accepted everybody for who they are on the inside. That's something my mom was very adamant about us learning. I don't let comments get to me or the way someone uses hurtful body language shake me. The 'Sticks and Stones' phrase, it's really true.

When I was starting middle school, my parents were ending their marriage. They say the trauma from divorce is very similar to a death in the family. I used to believe that. It was almost as if my parents were sharing their kids. And they fought about who gets who when, where we go and don't go on holidays. I felt like an object and not a person. I should have been grateful from the start that I still had both of my parents, just not all of the time. I had to grow up fast. I learned from this that it's okay to break down every once in a while. I also learned that tough times don't ever really last. You fall into a comfortability and learn to adapt to a new way of living in time.

I made it through middle and high school with the normal things. Breakups, makeups, friends, fights, you know all that good stuff. The fall after I graduated, I started caring about myself more than I cared about others, especially those I loved. I was admitted to the hospital in January of 2010 for anorexia. My three weeks in the hospital really gave me time to reflect on my life. My exact words to myself as I sat on my bed the first night I was in the hospital were, "Be tough and fearless, no crying while you're here". And I didn't. Not one tear was shed, not because I was closed off to my feelings but because I knew I couldn't be my open vulnerable self to get better. I learned how to be strong both mentally and physically. I learned how to take initiative and mend relationships that I had destroyed through my own actions. I really got to know myself. And I realized that if I didn't love myself first, I couldn't love those close to me.

Shortly thereafter, my baby sister was admitted to drug and alcohol treatment after I caught her in the act. At the fragile age of 15 years old. I blamed myself. Every day. I could have been more attentive, tried to be a better friend and sister to her. She told me that she hated me and never wanted to speak to me again. Normally, my defensive side would have lashed out at her. I told her, "Yes you will". And that was the last thing I said to her for about 2 months. She finally gave in. Anger is temporary. Anger consumes a huge part of your mind. I wanted to hate my sister too but I learned, you don't hate people, you just hate the way that they act. And people don't make you mad, you make yourself mad. 

I've learned many more things throughout my life, I learn new things every day. These are the ones that are most important to me, the ones that will stick with me for the rest of my life. So as my sign off; be kind, be happy, help others, and think about what you can learn from sticky situations. You'll thank yourself someday for doing so.

 

K